The next evening Aaron and James are sitting side by side on the rooftop of the A Building with their backs against the exterior stairwell wall looking at the speckle of lights nestled in the wooded darkness under a remarkable starry sky. No one is allowed on the roof, but on occasion the door would be left open and tonight they decide to take advantage of situation as it is the most quiet and soothing spot on the Watchtower Farms property.
Aaron was relieved and already moved on past the situation of the previous day, but James had not. I don’t understand why things have to be so unfair. There’s no consistency.
Every department is different and they have their own stresses. You work in a brain-intensive job so they trust you to use your brain. I do not, so we have to work more like machines. You can’t enforce the same rules to everybody equally.
I couldn’t imagine working as fast as you do constantly.
It’s not constant, there are ups and downs… sometimes it’s slower on Tuesdays, but Friday there’s always a big push.
On Fridays we have juggling class.
What? Don’t tell me that.
It’s suppose to help link the right and left sides of the brain so it functions as one.
Okay, well I don’t have anything positive to say about that.
James gives a half laugh and bows his head between his knees. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to sound like a prick. I do work hard and I get things done. And reading lines and lines of code can sometimes make one a little batty. So for longevity sake we take walks and juggle and other things. Keeps us sane.
Aaron leans over an butts James with his shoulder. I know. I get it. And hey, it helps to have friends in the computer department to come fight for you in case you’re getting kicked out of Bethel!
Both guys laugh James starts to react docilely, Well, you’re a great human and an awesome friend. I love you because you’re such a non-conformist.
That I am. You are too, though.
I will fight for you no matter what or to who. I love you that much… to argue with the factory overseer!
I know, right? You’re nuts. Everyone around here says “that’s crazy” or “he’s crazy” but here you are… the genuine article. (Laughter.) I love your head and everything that goes on in it.
And you know how to make me feel better.
Good to know.
And you know what would feel even better than better…
No, James responds half laughing.
I want to give YOU a massage this time.
James is a little dumbstruck. Because of Aaron’s work, he had always gotten the massages and even though James would perform it shirtless or in his underwear, it still was a pretty one-sided venture. However, the massage itself was always deemed a physical necessity. What Aaron is offering is a massage for sheer pleasure and this is a game-changer, one that he hadn’t anticipated but is certainly welcoming.
You’re going to give me the massage?
Full body, totally naked. Aaron’s big closed-lipped smile is beaming with excitement.
I’ll run down to the car if you refresh the drinks.
In the room the door is locked and the music is turned on. James is nervous as hell. He didn’t like being naked in front of people in non-sexual situations, and he isn’t sure if this was going to end up as a sexual situation or not. As Aaron took of his shirt to reveal his hairless muscular chest and arms, James thought, I’ll be fine. Time to get over my fears, and he stripped naked and laid face down on the mattress which was put on the floor.
The massage stars with Aaron straddling James. He can feel Aaron’s breath on the back of his neck as he moves the fingers sensually across with his face close to the skin, the gentle rocking of the hips adding another level of eroticism. When he pauses to take a drink, he rubs the glass down the spine to a vibrantly lascivious moan James had no intention of letting out.
Aaron giggled. The lower half of the body is next and he could feel Aaron’s erection on the back of his leg. He himself has been hard as a rock since he laid down. James suddenly became even more nervous about everything. This is obviously levels of sensuality the two of them hadn’t reached yet, and… sex changes everything. There is a mixture of excitement because James loved Aaron so much and has been craving the touch of his skin for many months and dread over the fact there is a huge mental leap between the area of “playing around” and “fucking” that he’s not confident Aaron is aware of.
A massage is a massage. If there is a hard on as a result of the massage, there are two ways to deal with it: either ignore it or handle it. James liked to handle it. But when it is all said and done, it is simply a play in biological mechanics, nothing more. To move the bodies in close, to feel each other’s breath, to tease sensory boundaries goes beyond the realms of ejaculating from biological mechanics and thrusts it to the domain of real sensual arousal and pleasure, which is exactly where Aaron is taking this.
It is time for James to flip over, and so he does.
Humm… what have we here? Aaron snickers as he gets more oil and straddles James yet again, pinning down his penis.
James keeps his hands spread apart just so that they didn’t grab and rub Aaron’s thighs the way he really wants to. Aaron is meticulous and slow on the front, which is almost torturous to James. He finally gets it, This must be what all those people I beat felt.
But again, how far is this going to go? James knew what he is wishing but tonight, he relinquished direction of the ship to his partner in crime. Aaron did not seem as nervous, but would stop on occasion and ask, Is this okay? to which James would reply, Tonight, you’re in complete control. and smile.
Still, in the back of his mind it is still ringing “sex changes everything”. But at a certain point, there is no turning back either way. With the bodies grinding in closeness, the pure spectacle is a grand simulation of sex. This is fine, this is erotic. But the actual “sex” part is where people go all over the map from “oh I don’t want to go that far” to “I’m just into doing what we’re doing here.” Every guy has been on a date with someone who gave all the signals, but at the very last moment is thrown, “Oh no. I’m not going to do THAT.”
Not that Aaron is a date or a tease. It is that he is fragile and soft, goodness and understanding wrapped in a very easily stimulated package. He had sex with a woman… twice. To hear him describe it is just sex. Whatever happens now will be his third sexual experience and so far the intimacy of what is happening is exceeding the basic definition of “sex”, which James is more than confident he could handle… but had no clue if it’s something Aaron could digest.
Can I ask you a question?
Aaron, I’m naked with hard on, you’re in your underwear on top of me. You can ask anything you want.
Promise you won’t freak out.
It’s you’re night. Ask away.
Can I kiss you?
Of course. Why wait till now to ask?
I don’t know. I’m shy sometimes.
Shy? Please, you’re hot as fuck.
Look. I love the way your mind works, and what comes out of your mouth is always so much fun. And your nose is so cute… and your eyes that change color… they’re like sometimes green and sometimes gold and sometimes this crystal brown But when I look at your mouth, your lips… soft beautiful lips… I just want to taste them. I’ve wanted to taste them since I first met you.
James smiles in astonishment at the uncharacteristic expression of affection. Thank you. He had to take a breath to digest it. Come here.
He reaches up and cradles Aaron’s face with one hand and pulls him down to his face and James kisses him. He kisses him like he had been wanting to kiss him from the day he first laid eyes on him. He kissed him with months of longing and frustration, happiness and excitement.
James puts his arm around Aaron’s shoulders and gently rotates him to the right and lays Aaron down on his back while he positions himself on top all without breaking lips. One arm cradled the head while the other reached down the underwear and took a firm grip on his ass. He continues to kiss him, like every moment of happiness in his future life depended on it, and like every moment of sadness of the past was washed away with the saliva. He kissed him with the passion of every drop of heart
After a minute, James releases Aaron. How was that?
Oh my god. That is how you kiss?
One of the ways, he said laughing.
That was like an orgasm in my mouth. I… he was slightly out of breath, I want to do that with you all night.
I have no problem with that. But you gotta loose the underwear.
In one coordinated effort between the two, the underwear is lost and James lays his entire body on Aaron and kisses him again. The movement between the two is gentle and soft, almost electric, but smooth like cream. James decides to get a little more aggressive and leaves his mouth to focus on the nipples. That is apparently the sweet spot, James could actually feel Aaron getting harder.
The intensity is growing at such a rate both men feel like they are going to explode. And then Aaron asks the most dreaded welcomed question of the night.
Will you fuck me?
Are you sure. Once we fuck there’s no going back.
Yeah. You’ve done this before, right?
James pauses. Once or twice.
Then I’m in good hands.
Yeah. I want to know what it feels like. And I trust you.
Okay… I’ll fuck you. But not just yet, he said with a menacing grin.
Now that it was obvious, James took back control of the situation. Aaron tonight, this particular night, is frisky and playful. He is thankful and relieved. It is almost like facing death and having a new appreciation of life afterward. But tomorrow, or the next night he will return to his sensitive innocence. The sexual intensity may not be too much or him to handle tonight especially if he’s had a few drinks in him, but it may be too much for him to handle tomorrow if a wave of guilt comes flooding in.
With that in mind there is a conscious effort that this will have to be respectful and mindful while still being strong and dominate. Part of being respectful and mindful is making sure this isn’t a “just stick it in” reply to Aaron’s request. He wasn’t that kind of guy. Once permission was given, James was going to make sure Aaron will enjoy everything he is doing from start to finish. However, James’s mind is all over the place and it is difficult to concentrate. There is so much he wants to do to Aaron’s body, but he knows he should just keep to the basics and let the energy of the room do the rest.
The next morning the two work up, still naked. Aaron stretches and yawns. My head hurts and my ass hurts. He looks around the room in disgust. He goes to the closet and gets out underwear and puts on his robe, and gathers his shower toiletries. I have got to go wash all this… sin… off of me.
I’m sorry your ass hurts.
Aaron throws back a big smile, Oh don’t worry. It’s a good hurt.
James lays back on the bed. He doesn’t know what to think. This was everything he wanted just not where he wanted. He had become fond of Aaron, then attached, then dependent, attracted to, and happy with him for months. But somewhere around all that he skipped romantic love and he is pretty sure what they did the night before was what people call “making love”, or at least it was the homosexual equivalent.
Things were so much easier with Ollie, simpler and unrefined. That was an instant carnal captivation based off the chemistry of attraction. It just so happened that he was also a great guy to hang out with, talk to, laugh with, and brought a really strong energy wherever he went. They could instantly tell what the other wanted just by looking at each others face and then jump to it, whether it was intelligent dinner conversation or unrestrained licentious sex. Aaron is so much different, and on a completely different field. He could already tell, Aaron likes it rough, and he likes a bit of masochism, so sexually this could be all over the place. The problem is that was a slow brewing sensuality by it’s core definition with a multi-month build up and now James has all these layers of emotions and attractions on top of the desires and wants. He already had such an intense love for Aaron before it ever reached this point, the natural organic path of sexual combustion was an inevitability and it was, to be honest, fantastic. But by the time it got to that point there are so many other levels of love it almost seems like a surprise they hadn’t done this sooner.
One thing is for sure: Aaron is far more touchy-feely when he’s drinking than when he’s sober. This means that James couldn’t take what is happening in one context and apply it to the other. Intense connection with each other on one evening doesn’t mean that every morning he’s going to wake up to a kiss, and there will be no things like cuddle time, or make out sessions. They didn’t have the desire to do that. They weren’t a couple and they were not in love. Were they?
It was confusing. It’s hard to take the love out of lovemaking. James made a serious vow that this would just be a one time thing.
This has to be a one time thing. James thinks. This is way too much reality for my heart to handle. And it scared the hell out of him.
Aaron returns from the shower. You better get cleaned up, mister. I’m dying for some pancakes.
Yes sir, James smiles.
He gets up and gathers his things for getting cleaned up and passes Aaron freshly showered looking cute with his hair a mess and pauses to look at him. Aaron stands there looking back.
James just smiles, pats Aaron on the back and walks away.
No, they were not a couple. No, they were not in love.
James P. Perez © 2013